By Jonathan Moore

Managing Editor

Sometimes, I find myself on my Facebook page editing my photo albums.

I have to make sure that in each photo, not only do I give off a sense of nonchalant awesomeness, but the lighting must be just right, my hair my must look ridiculously good, and if a muscle or two in my arm magically looks somewhat existent, well then, that’s just a windfall.

I try to “like” a variety of music

pages, even those of artists that I’ve not heard a single song by because everyone knows that mature people “listen to a little bit of everything” and have playlists ranging from Chief Keef and Chaka Khan.

Thankfully with Facebook, I can keep people up to date on my evolving coolness. I make sure to share a random news story once in a while to seem aware of the world around me and make a deep, thoughtful status every day to appear self-aware.

On Twitter, I follow people that I will never meet and lead people that like my tweets. At least if I jump off of a bridge, they won’t be able to jump through their computer screens to join me. If I do ever jump off of a bridge, however, I’ll be sure to snap a photo of the water below, apply the lo-fi filter, caption it “Goodbye, World” and Instagram it before pulling a Michael Phelps and diving headfirst.

Online, I appear to be all-knowing and poised to write the next New York Times best seller. Honestly, I can’t tell you where my profile page ends and I begin. My story is not inimitable, for most young people online are constantly renovating their constructed world of tweets, statuses and regrams in hopes of reinventing themselves.

In investing my emotions and life into a set of online profiles that I fashioned to reflect who I want to be, I have done nothing but waste time. No digitized photo album or self-aggrandizing Twitter bio will ever do me justice, and no matter what photo effect I apply to my posed and smiling face, no one will suddenly appreciate who I am. The real Jonathan Moore exists outside of the confines of a Wi-Fi connection, and you don’t need a username or password to get to know me. Just say hello. See you offline.